Rituals (transcript)
ACT I Trina is waiting for the period to end. Miss Corbis: Just five more minutes until... you know what? It's the same thing every year for me. Class is dismissed early, now leave me to my shame. Trina: Thank you personal drama. Trina's at her locker. Mina: Hey Trina. Got any plans for Thanksgiving? Trina: Yep, it's the same thing I do every year. Eat a Taco Nacho Combo and spend time on FaceSpace, Tinyquote and MiniBooth. Mina: Seriously? What about the typical family gathering? Trina: What family? All I have as far as family goes is my dad and my brother, and neither need any introduction. Mina: '''Seriously? '''Trina: Well, there's my Uncle Alan, but he's not well. Mina: What's the issue? Trina: Brother Bear became his favorite movie. (Uncle Alan bit) Alan: Nobody understands x3 Trina: Now what about you? Are you doing to do what you suggested to me? Mina: (gestures) no. Trina: Oh, really? Mina: My folks are nontraditional, and aside from you, Allison and Colleen, I have no one to hang out with. Trina: Hey, I've just got this crazy idea. Why don't I invite you, my friends and the teachers for one of those dinners? Mi'na:' That has to be one of your best ideas ever. Trina: I know, right? Once it's over I could use the dinner as leeway. Mina: I knew there was a catch. Trina: Worry about that later. Invite everyone we know to my house, I need to get ready. (rushes out) ACT II Trina's house. Trina: Ok, everything's set. Corey: Set for what? Trina: I invited my friends over for Thanksgiving. Corey: That seems uncharacteristically nice of you. What's going on? Trina: Dunno, something about using the act of kindness to my favor. Anyway, are you going to help or what? Corey: This is so out of my league. But, I gotta ask, where's the- (the bell rings) Trina: Ah, the guests have arrived. Don't screw this up Corey. Corey: Ok, so long as you don't write about it in your diary. Then again, how could I make a hit song about Thanksgiving. (opens the door) Trina: Well.... Well this is an interesting turnout. Mina: Turns out the teachers were the only ones without plans. But... our friends were available too, and, one of our enemies. Trina: Given that one's confined to his house and the other has no purpose, I already get the idea. (Laney comes up) Laney: Trina. Trina: Sir. Laney: Ugh! Trina: Take a seat everyone. Mina: I love what you've done here Trina. Trina: Thanks Mina. Mina: I could hardly wait to taste the traditional bird. Trina: Geez, I know you hate Cooper but- Mina: What!? Ew! I wasn't talking about that, I... Let's handle this in the kitchen. (kitchen) Mina: What'll we be eating? Trina: ... A traditional... TV dinner? Mina: Are you kidding!? Trina: How was I supposed to know I'd be having guests on short notice!? Mina: Ok, ok, let's keep our heads. A&M's has enough food to make up for a traditional meal. Trina: '''True true, you go over there and get all the food you can, I'll keep the guests preoccupied. '''Mina: Gotcha. But I don't have much money. Trina: (hands her a cooler) When in doubt, use whatever's in here. (table) Allison: So when the guy came up to me, I told him that in a few more minutes I would've ripped his teeth out and put it on a necklace. Daniel: Haha, your humor reminds me of that one show on FOX, can't remember the name of it. Allison: The Simpsons? Daniel: No, it was short lived. Allison: Wonderfalls? Daniel: No, it was animated. Allison: Allen Gregory? Daniel: Oh God no. (trina sits) Trina: Ok everyone, now that we're all here, I think we should begin with a prayer. Cooper: I refuse to start without Mina. Trina: Well close your eyes and pretend mina is here! Estus: I don't celebrate this holiday much, but we usually pray when the food is here. Trina: "Estus, why don't you lead us in with a prayer?" Estus: "My time to shine. Making a decision of death while everyone around you pled, now you fly in peace I hope, my friend. A man can't avoid what he's meant to do when he's meant to do it, even if he doesn't really want to. My memories are of fun and friendship, of weakness within the strength of youth for reasons undefined." Trina: "Uh... amen?" (Dennis is rubbing his knife on his plate) Trina: Hey! These plates aren't cheap you know! Dennis: Forcive habbit. Daniel: Ok, how about we all say what we're thankful for? Mike: I'm thankful that I got out of the platoons before I could, well you know. Trager: I'm thankful that I no longer have to endure working at every shift in school. Corbis: I'm thankful that my life isn't, completely hopeless. (a kid peers through the window) Kid: I'm thankful for everything. Mike: Ohhoho, how cute. So tell me kid, did you fight in a war that has messed up the minds of those who fought in it!? Corbis: Do you live a life of loneliness that in a twisted way is just as messed up as the previous statement!? Kid: I was just trying to be cute! (runs off) (A&M's) Mina: What do you mean you won't help me with the meal!? Alvin: Well we wouldn't have a business if we performed miracles for everyone. Mina: That does it, time to look in the cooler. (Trina's) Estus: Hows about we watch some TV? Trina: You seriously want to deal with a four hour marathon of Mario Flush? Estus: No you idiot! I gots me an automated cable box. Instant shows, all at a price that goes beyond rational thought. Trina: Well, beats waiting for the food- which is still cooking, eheheh... Estus: Ok, now, does anyone know how to set this thing up. Colleen: You mean YOU DON'T KNOW HOW!? Estus: I'm a janitor, not a cable guy! Trina: Well, I guess one more guest can't hurt (places a call) (transition to the box getting set up) Trina: Thanks again for doing this dad. Rich: No problem Pinky Pie. Surprised that I had no issue. Never seen an extension like this before. Estus: It's custom made, now just start it already. (The box is activated and a bumper plays featuring a deranged man mugging the screen) Dennis: Well the bumper's not doing anything for me. Estus: Don't riff it! All: AWWWWW, shucks! (a Peanuts cartoon plays) Trina: Peanuts? Rich: Good, we know what we're getting into with that. (the cartoon) Lucy: Just kick the ball, blockhead! Charlie Brown: But every time I try to kick it you just move it out of the way. Lucy: This time I won't! Charlie Brown: Oh, like the last few times when you do it anyways!? Rich: Yeah... never mind I'm not ready to know about this. Charlie Brown: '''I don't know why you base your entire life on making mine a living heck, I have a million bad memories about the stuff you've done, and only a few are pleasant! Why don't YOU KICK THE BALL!? DO IT! DO IT (word censored by a cat screeching) (off-screen, Lucy is supposedly getting beaten) '''Corbis: Well that's one thing I won't be watching ever again... (a bumper plays with a man talking to his son, but is shown to be him talking to the son's grave) (a Bert and Ernie skit plays) Ernie: Ok Bert, I have my anchovy pizza and glass of cold grape juice ready, and you have your anchovy pizza and glass of cold grape juice ready. Bert: Uh, Ernie. Do you see the problem with this? Ernie: Oh do you have too much Bert? Bert: Why don't you take a closer look? Ernie: Alrighty. (Ernie looks closer and Bert rams his face into the pizza) Bert: Do you see it Ernie!? Do you see it!? (Dennis covers his eyes) Daniel: This is almost- GOLAN THE INSATIABLE! THAT'S THE SHOW! Trina: Relax, the show's over. Now we have a twisted bumper to look at. (a bumper plays, which shows the poster for Brother Bear) All: AGH! (A&M's) Alvin: Well Mina, if it's that important to you, I suppose one free meal can't hurt. Mina: (holding roadkill) Thank you... sir. (Trina's) Laney: Ok, I'm done! No more demonic television! Estus: Hold it right there young man. Laney: I'm a girl! Estus: Oh well, never mind. Have at it. (Laney switches off the box, but then the power goes out) Trina: Estus! Your stupid box blew out the fuse! Estus: Hey! If it was the box the fuse would've gone sooner! (a glow appears in front of them. Laney faces everyone and open her eyes, showing a sign of possession) Trina: Uh... Laney! ???: Laney is NO MORE! (the channel icon appears on the screen) Demon: "Your friend is now within my grasp!" Trina: "Uh... he's not my friend." Demon: '''"Oh, really?" '''Trina: "Yeah, he's my brother's friend. (facing Corey) Have at it." Corey: "What Trina would've said if she was his friend!" Laney: (briefly breaking free) I'M A GIRL! Demon: Girl or not, you're under my control either way! Rich: What do you want exactly? Demon: ...dunno, usually goes blank around this part. I suppose I could STEAL YOUR SOULS! (cameo from Candace): '''HE'S NOT KIDDING! '''Trina: You could just take Laney. I mean, why should I care about her? We both hate each other anyhow- (gets grabbed by the neck by Corey) Corey: Listen Trina, a band needs a bassist as much as you need to breathe- Trina: (breaking free) You could always become a heavy metal band. The bassist can't even be heard in those bands. (Mina arrives) Mina: Hoohooy! I got enough food to last us till December- what the heck is going on!? Trina: Demonic possession by a cursed cable box. Mina: I see. You know what this means. Trina: Corey's losing another bandmate? Mina: No, no, idiot, no. It's time for an exorcism. Demon: Just to set the record straight, no conventional exorcism will work. You have to do something with as much of a lack of predictability as my network. Trina: Unpredictable is my middle name! Corey: I thought it was Ainght. Trina: Shut up. (Trina dances to Sugar by System of a Down, and the horn solo for Wrong Way by Sublime) Demon: Dancing, how original... Trina: You haven't seen nothing yet. Next I'll.... just be in the corner. (Trina walks off in defeat) Demon: That's it? No words of encouragement? Corey: Hold your horses! Trina, if you don't stop that demon, I'm just going to share all of your secrets on the internet! Trina: You've already ruined my life! Principal Trager: Trina! If you don't help us you'll get expelled! Trina: You don't have the nerve! Daniel: If you don't do this I'm going to show Brother Bear in class when the break ends. Trina: Ok, I've got it! But it's pretty bold. Ahem. Making a decision of death while everyone around you pled, now you fly in peace I hope, my friend. Demon: Hrgh! Oh boy. Trina: Conventional enough for ya!? A man can't avoid what he's meant to do when he's meant to do it, even if he doesn't really want to. My memories are of fun and friendship, of weakness within the strength of youth for reasons undefined, reasons undefined, reasons undefined! (Laney is freed, and so are the other souls captured) Laney: That's better. I never thought I'd say this Trina but, you did good. Trina: Oh-ho, go on. Laney: If I did you probably won't remember it. Daniel: I'd hate to break up the positivity, but the demon's not gone. Demon: I'm going, because my work is almost done. I only did this to make you realize how much you people need each other. You guys are thankful for always being there when needed, and that means a lot more than gaining more pounds than you would at a local fair. Now, have any of you learned anything? Trina: I sure did. Next time I'm sticking with my usual tradition. Come on Mina, let's go see a movie. Mina: Right behind ya. Trager: I'm going to cut out too. I have forms to fill out. Corbis: Yeah, and I have tests to grade. I'll just take this leftover food if nobody's going to eat it. Cooper: I just had a thought. We have a project that's due after the break. Colleen: Oh man that's right. If we hurry we could finish it by the next day. (everyone leaves) Demon: So that's it!? Nobody learned anything! To heck with this. ???: About time you said it, because it's D2 time! (a transition occurs revealing the D2 logo)